A Letter To My Daughter Who Struggles With CRPS –
It has been over four years since your struggles began with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) began. In over the years, I have watched you struggle everyday with this vicious disease that has tried to take away everything you have worked so hard for. As I sit here and write this letter tears flow down my checks because I have felt the pain and struggles you have gone through every minute of the day.
I want you to know that every time you were screaming in relentless pain, my heart was filled with such sadness and hurt because I couldn’t make it stop. Even though I was not crying with you, I was pushing you to keep it together because we had to be strong. I often would go where you could not see me and cry in the darkness because I had to be strong for you and could not let you see my tears. There were endless nights, I would break down and cry myself to sleep, only to wake up and be strong for you again.
I saw your life change from happy and independent to complete sadness and needing me more than you ever did as a young child. I know this was hard on you. Between the endless pain you feel everyday and not knowing where life was taking us it put a strain on our relationship. We went from riding along singing happily in the car everyday to school, to riding along screaming to the ER and doctor’s visits.
With every doctor visit, surgeries, and procedures I saw you display the courage and bravery of a hundred soldiers. I have witnessed you being cut open, having plastic devices put in your body, needles the size of a drinking straw shoved in your back and ankles more times than I can count. Yet, live with pain that no words can describe. This is only a small percentage of what has happened to you over the last five years.
However, through all the pain and suffering I have seen you become stronger everyday. You continue to wake up every morning with the positivity and encouragement that most people have not seen in their lives. CRPS has relentlessly tried to beat you down and destroy you day after day, hour after hour, and minute after minute, only to have failed.
Where it would have been too easy to have given up and lay down, you stood up and became stronger than you already were. You have proven CRPS will not win and conquer your soul. You see, CRPS has chosen the wrong woman to try to destroy. You have shown CRPS will not choose your path. You have proven to the non-believers that YOU never let CRPS control your direction in life. You have given hope to those with CRPS that they too can still achieve their life’s goal. You have also proven to yourself how strong you always have been.
McKenzie, I love you more than you will ever know. We will continue to take on this disease side by side and hand in hand. Please always know that you will never be alone with your fight against CRPS.